I'm Not Calling You A Liar
by Madness of Angels
Summary: Torn between two men Hawke seeks a distraction from his problems and finds it when Theron Mahariel arrives looking for a stolen relic and bearing a grudge against his ex-lover Anders. Hawke/Fenris, Mahariel/Anders
1. Destiny's Children

**Summary**-His heart torn between Anders and Fenris Garrett Hawke seeks a distraction and finds it when Warden-Commander Theron Mahariel arrives in Kirkwall looking for a stolen magical relic.

While Anders struggles with controlling Justice and his own growing feelings for Hawke the arrival of Theron threatens to expose his secrets and lies. Suspicious of the Warden's arrival Fenris begins to question his feelings about mages when Hawke becomes affected by the relic's power.

**Pairings-**Hawke/Anders, Mahariel/Anders, Fenris/Hawke

**Notes-**Because I've been getting feedback about my Warden Mahariel I've decided to post this story that was sitting in my laptop for weeks. Once it was confirmed that Anders was a male romance option I couldn't help but think that if he was an option in Awakenings my Warden would've jumped his bones. Chapter 12 of my other story is already finished and will be up tomarrow.

I hope you like this one :)

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><p><strong>I'm Not Calling You A Liar<strong>

**Chapter One**

**Destiny's Children**

Kirkwall wasn't what he had expected.

During his time across Ferelden and beneath the earth in the Deep Roads the red haired elf had seen a lot of unique and unusual places. He was a Dalish elf and during his time growing up in the camp he had seen more than his own fair share of relics and long forgotten temples. Theron Mahariel whistled as his eyes took in the sight of the infamous Twins and the chain that made up the entrance into the ancient city long ago built by the Tevinter Imperium.

Theron walked around the small ship he had brought passage n and leaned against the wooden railing of the ship. He liked travelling by sea. Wine eyes long since aged with experience, pain and hardship remained fixed on the port he was being taken to. The faint sea air was soothing to the former Warden and he smiled faintly as the ship rocked against the waves.

Theron intended to enjoy his time here while he could. Alistair was with Nathaniel in the Free Marches seeking new recruits while Theron had offered to make the trip to Kirkwall to meet the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter. Aside from seeking new recruits Theron was here to find a magic relic stolen from the Circle Tower last month. This was the first time he had ever seen out of Ferelden but he refused to allow his uneasiness to show.

If there was one thing Theron had mastered over the years as a Warden it was how to shield his emotions. He had always been the neutral party in arguments until the time came when he had to take action and pick a side. The elf pushed away from the railing and waited for the ship to dock at the port. The initial journey here had been difficult with the weather turning foul but other than that it had been a quiet sailing across the Waking Sea.

Theron nodded at the captain when the plank was lowered and he could walk onto the stone pathway leading into the Gallows. Before departing Ferelden the Warden had gone over books and other information he could find about Kirkwall. The last thing he wanted to do was stick out in the crowd. It would be bad enough with his telltale tattoos giving away his heritage but Theron had stopped caring what humans thought about him long ago.

He respected only a handful of humans but for the moment he was in a foreign land and he needed to blend in for his duration here. He felt safer with Starfang pressed against his back along with the daggers Alistair had gotten him for his birthday last year. They were beautiful silver blades shaped into a single deadly blade with two others attached to either side of the hilt. The shape reminded Theron of a fork.

Alistair had also bought him the blades to celebrate his commission as the Commander of the Grey in the Free Marches. Theron had left Amaranthine soon after the incident with the Mother and the Architect. Nathaniel and Varel were skilled and good men who could take care of the place now that he was gone. Being the Arl only gave Theron headaches he could do without. Sigrun and Valenna would survive without him too.

While he was a skilled duellist and rarely used swords he carried Starfang with him everywhere. The blue sword had been the weapon he had used to destroy the archdemon and end the Blight. The sword reminded him constantly of that night and what he had achieved over that year. Dressed in his leather drakeskin armour and carrying a shining blue sword wasn't exactly being discreet but Theron held his head up and walked along the port and into the Gallows Courtyard.

The first thing he was aware of was the people lying against the walls with their hands held out for coin or food. It reminded him of Denerim especially the alienage. Templars and city guards were locked in conversation with one another while market stalls had been set up.

Theron didn't look at anyone too long as he made his way towards the Templar Headquarters at the end of the Gallows. The Knight-Commander was aware of his arrival in the city and he was curious to meet her. The elf found his way into the courtyard and the templars stared openly at the red haired elf who was striding into their compound.

He could hear the whispers and see them pointing at him but he ignored them. He never did care what humans thought about him anyway. The Warden had been told about the Templar Headquarters before leaving Ferelden and he found the door into the building easily enough.

"Who are you?" a voice questioned him.

"My name's Theron Mahariel." He replied with the diplomatic tone he had mastered over the years. "Knight-Commander Meredith is expecting me."

"She's expecting an elf?" the guard sounded amused. "I don't think so."

"I don't have time for this." Theron rolled his eyes. "Let me pass. I have things to do."

"How dare you speak to me like that knife ear." The man snarled. "Piss off back to the alienage where you belong."

"Are you deaf?" Theron could feel his temper boiling. Alistair had often joked that his temper was his most unattractive quality. "I have to begin recruiting Grey Wardens."

"Do you wish to be locked in the Gallows?" the guard crossed his arms while the other men and women began taking notice of the spectacle. "Get out before I drag you into the dungeons."

"Hmm..." Theron hummed. Before the guard could do anything Theron lashed forward, grabbed his wrist and pulled the man down to his knees. Taking out one of his silver daggers Theron pressed the thin blade to his throat.

"You obviously need a lesson in hearing. My name is Theron Mahariel. I killed the archdemon and was named Warden Commander." Theron smirked with satisfaction when he heard the man whimper. "Now either you let me through or I take an ear and walk in there myself."

"There will be no need for that."

Theron turned his head when the woman's voice spoke out. She was a tall female human with blond hair and wearing impressive battle armour. A greatsword hilt could be seen behind her head and she was flanked by two guards. She stopped and watched as Theron withdrew his dagger and tossed the man away.

"Your guards need to work on their manners." The elf sheathed his blade. "Knight-Commander Meredith I presume?"

"And you must be the legendary Grey Warden from Ferelden." The woman's cold blue eyes glinted. "You are not what I expected in a Warden."

"I get that a lot." Theron stepped into the hallway after Meredith. "This is only a formal visit."

"You wish to look for recruits." Meredith replied heavily. "But I need all the men and women I can find. Kirkwall is unstable at the moment."

"Because of the Ferelden refugees and the Qunari?" Theron asked her.

"Compared to the mages they are the least of our problems." The blond snarled out. Theron frowned at the look on her face. He had seen that look too often whenever he entered a town or village during the Blight.

"Look, I won't be here long but I wanted you to know that there's a patrol of Wardens near the Deep Roads outside Kirkwall." Theron stopped outside her office. "We got reports of darkspawn attacking caravans not far from the city."

"Then I should thank you for stepping in." Meredith sniffed. She glanced over the small elf before entering her office. "If you're looking for recruits you could try asking Garrett Hawke."

"Anyone I should know?" Theron cocked an eyebrow.

"He came from Ferelden and has made a name for himself here over the past few years." Meredith picked up some papers. "He seems to have quite the influence in Hightown."

"Thanks for the suggestion." Theron muttered as he turned from the room. "I won't be here long Commander. Have a good day."

Theron left the compound quickly and once more stood in the Gallows Courtyard. Being around that woman gave him chills and not the good kind. Despite that unpleasant little encounter Theron found his way out of the Gallows and down the street into Hightown.

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><p><em><strong>Hawke Estate <strong>_

His head was pounding and Garrett Hawke wanted nothing more than to have an ogre trample on him. His mouth had a foul taste in it and he had the urge to never ask Varric and Isabela what he did last night during the party. Somehow Varric had learned that it was Hawke's birthday and the dwarf had arranged a party at the Hanged Man. The mage had to admit that he was touched by the gesture when he saw all his friends there having a good time.

Groaning he ran a shaky hand through his ash blond hair Hawke blinked his eyes to clear his vision as best he could before even attempting to sit up. His stomach instantly lurched and he fought down a wave of nausea that threatened to send him running to the nearest chamber pot.

Maker's breath he had survived battles with darkspawn, dragons, bandits and the Deep Roads and he would gladly repeat the whole thing if it meant he never had to drink with Varric ever again. The mage finally managed to get up without being sick and he stumbled towards the fireplace to gain his bearings.

Hawke had somehow gotten washed and dressed while nursing a pounding headache. He wasn't a healer and he didn't want to explain to Anders about his hangover. In fact if he could he wanted to avoid the handsome mage as much as possible. During the party last night Anders and Fenris were there too and as usual the Frostback Mountains seemed like the tropics compared to how those two treated one another.

Fenris had warmed up to Hawke over the years but he refused to even acknowledge Anders as something more than an abomination. Hawke really wanted them to get along but he'd have better luck convincing a darkspawn to take up ballet lessons. Hawke wouldn't have bothered any other time but he liked both of them too much to have them fight all the time.

Over the last three years Hawke had gotten to know them both better and they trusted him to talk about their private matters. Anders was a sweet man who had a funny side when he allowed it. Justice was still a problem but he said that Hawke was helping to keep him grounded. Fenris was always alert and suspicious of the people around him thanks to that bastard ex-master of his but he relaxed whenever Hawke came by.

It wasn't doing him any good thinking about it right now. He had a meeting to attend today with the Viscount concerning the Qunari and he wanted to at least be on time for it. Grabbing his staff he left the bedroom and waved to Sandal before leaving the estate behind.

"Hawke?" the mage had bumped into someone the moment he opened the door.

"Anders!" aquamarine eyes widened and a blush painted his cheeks when Hawke caught sight of those handsome features. "I'm sorry. I'm late for a meeting with the Viscount."

"It's alright." He smiled in response. "I just wanted to see if Sandal could enchant my staff."

"He's inside." Hawke replied as he shuffled his feet. Being around Anders made him feel like butterflies had taken flight in his belly. "I wanted to thank you for the party last night."

"It was all Varric's idea but you deserved it." Anders ran a hand through his hair. "After everything you've gone through you needed to have a good time."

"I appreciate it Anders." Hawke smiled openly. Honey eyes brightened slightly but Anders quickly looked away. Hawke gulped a little when the silence settled between them. "Listen, I know this might seem a little out of the blue but I..."

"What is it?" Anders asked when Hawke stopped speaking and looked even more nervous now.

"Well I was wondering if maybe...ah, if you'd like to..." Hawke groaned loudly. "Maker's balls I'm mucking this up badly."

"You can talk to me." The mage said gently. "You're so good at listening to everyone else's problems. I just want you to know I'm here if you ever need to talk."

"Really?" Hawke mentally kicked himself at the way he sounded just now. Andraste's knickers he wasn't a maiden mooning over her prince charming!

"Garrett!" the blond man could have yelled but the pain in his head prevented that. Anders turned around to see Leandra running up the steps.

"Mother?" he approached her. "What is it?"

"The Viscount needs to see you immediately. He says that a Grey Warden has arrived in the city today." Leandra explained. She looked a little red in the face from running but she was faring better now that she lived in the estate.

"Then I better get moving. Do you want to come Anders? I'd like the company." Hawke offered the man beside him.

"I...I don't think that's a good idea." He muttered but regretted it at the crestfallen look on Hawke's face. "It's just that I didn't leave the Wardens on the best of terms."

"If they say anything about you I'll just have to defend your honour." Hawke grinned at the appalled look on Anders' face.

"I think my pride has been wounded."

Hawke shook his head but his heart began beating wildly when Anders followed him all the same. Hightown was bustling with activity as usual today especially now that a new shipment of goods had arrived the night before. Hawke browsed through the wares whenever he had the money to spare. The mages could pass through the town without worrying about the guards these days.

After their adventure into the Deep Roads Hawke and his friends were becoming legends around the city. The Viscount's Keep was just ahead before Hawke realised it. He cursed at once again letting the chance to ask Ander's out slipped away from him.

He liked the mage at first sight thanks to the tortured sexy aura he possessed but after spending time with him Hawke began to really like the man. He had tried for weeks now to ask him out on a proper date but the words never passed his lips. He knew Anders had been with men after the incident with Karl so worrying about his sexual preferences wasn't a problem.

Hawke had been with men before back in Lothering but he had never met someone who set his nerves on fire like Anders did. Sighing he entered the Keep and walked up the carpeted steps to the Viscount's chamber. He had to admit that he was curious about who the Grey Warden was.

Upon entering the chamber Hawke's attention was immediately drawn to a small elf leaning against the wall. His arms were crossed and a frown marred his handsome features. Red hair as bright as a sunrise framed a face with an intricate tattoo etched onto his forehead and nose bridge. He was wearing leather amour and two silver daggers gleamed at his sides.

Bright reddish gold eyes turned upwards to stare at Hawke but the elf said nothing by way of greeting. Instead his eyes widened when Anders walked into the room.

"Hawke..." the Viscount greeted him. "I'd like you to meet Warden-Commander Mahariel from Ferelden."

"It's a pleasure." Hawke held out his hand to the small red haired elf carrying a very impressive blue sword. But the elf didn't seem to hear him and Hawke was now aware of Ander's own silence. When he turned to look at him the mage had gone deathly pale.

"C-Commander!" Anders gasped out. Hawke stared at the man. Did Anders know this elf?

"I've been waiting for this..." Mahariel crossed the room in two strides and firmly smashed his fist into Ander's face.


	2. Warden Commander

**Chapter Two**

**Warden Commander**

_**Vigil's Keep**_

_**Four years ago**_

"It's finally over isn't it?"

Theron started a little at the gentle voice but he smiled with relief when he saw Anders standing there with his arms crossed and that ever present smirk on his face. The Commander knew exactly what the healer was talking about and he simply nodded in response. It had been a difficult few months with the threats of the Mother and the Architect but Theron and his new friends had managed to survive just like he had done during the Blight.

Nathaniel and Valenna were in the Keep helping with the repairs while Ogden was getting piss drunk as usual along with Sigrun. He more than deserved this one though especially after he defended the Keep along with Varel and the others Theron had left when he went to Amaranthine. They all deserved to have a good time. Theron was so very proud of them.

"Another crisis averted." The elf replied with a grin. "All thanks to you."

"Of course." Anders laughed slightly. "Where would you be without a decent healer around?"

"But seriously, thanks Anders." The elf looked fondly out across the vast fields. "I'm glad we saved this place. I thought I was done fighting the darkspawn but seeing this makes it worthwhile."

"You're practically an authority on darkspawn slaying now." The mage stood next to his commander. "So what are you going to do now?"

"What can I do? The darkspawn have left and the Wardens are revered again." Theron stared up at the night sky. "I'd like to take a holiday somewhere away from here."

"And leave all of us behind? You're so cruel." Anders joked but then Theron's smile vanished and he now looked so very tired.

"Maybe I should just leave." Theron said suddenly.

"Leave here?" Anders was confused.

"Ferelden…I want to leave here." The elf sounded so serious about it.

"But why?" Anders felt panic flare n his chest. "You're the Warden-Commander. You're needed here."

"No, a Commander is needed here. And I've done my part." Theron replied. "Ferelden doesn't need a Grey Warden now. And I want to see what else is out there in Thedas."

"But why leave now?" the mage asked.

"I was taken from my clan because of the Taint. I spent a year after that gathering an army together to fight the Blight. I was constantly running and making decisions. Everyone looked to me as the leader. Now that everything has settled down I…" Theron rubbed his face. "I don't feel like I for in anymore."

"So you want to see what else is out there?" Anders could understand that feeling a little.

"I was planning on going to Antiva first. I have a friend there who can help me get started." The elf turned his eyes to the mage who was suddenly blushing a little. "But there was something else I wanted to ask you."

"Who's going to take over?" Anders asked.

"I've recommended Varel take over until he finds a suitable Commander." Theron answered without looking at the mage beside him.

"What about Nathaniel and everyone else?" Anders leaned next to the elf. "Have you told them?"

"I wanted to tell you first." Theron admitted. "You mean a lot to me Anders."

"I have that effect on people." The mage joked.

"You always reminded me of Alistair." Theron smiled a little. "I think that's why it was so easy to talk to you."

"That or it was my charming personality." Anders glanced down when he felt something brush against his boot. Ser Pounce-a-Lot stared back up at him.

"You still have him?" Theron was pleased that Anders had kept the cat he had found.

"How could I throw him away?" the mage cooed as he picked up the feline. "And he was a gift after all."

"Anders, I know you have no obligation but I was wondering if you'd like to come with me?" Theron asked in one breath.

"What?" honey eyes widened.

"I know you can go wherever you want now. You finally have your freedom even if it is as a Warden." The elf turned his body so he was standing inches from the mage. "But I'd like it if you came with me."

"W-Why me?" Anders' mouth had gone dry.

"I'm tired of doing things for others and not for myself. I'm going to be selfish here and I want an honest answer." Theron had somehow backed Anders against a wall.

"C-Commander?" the mage was incredibly nervous now.

Theron was sick and tired of watching and wondering. He never had the best luck when it came to men he grew fond of. Tamlen had been his first love and thinking about the moment when he killed the husk Tamlen became still hurt his heart. He developed a crush on Alistair but he never once acted on it. He and Zevran had fooled around soon after the assassin had joined the group but he grew to love Zevran as a close friend.

And then there was the night he slept with Morrigan to escape his dark fate. Just thinking about the night with her almost made his erection wilt. Even now he's stunned that he didn't lose his dick to frost bite. But this time he was going to take a chance with Anders. The mage had captivated him from the moment they met.

Anders watched as those wine eyes glowed with something other than mirth. The mage had always thought the Warden Commander was attractive. He had often fantasized about that lithe body pressed against his own while those hands did things to him that reduced the mage to a helpless mess.

He hadn't been with a lot of men since his affair with Karl some years ago but that didn't stop him from looking at times. But the commander was a force of nature that just swept everything up in his path.

"I always liked your eyes." Theron whispered to him. "I like the way they shine when you're happy and darken when you fight."

"M-My eyes?" Anders was surprised that he could still speak.

"I really like you Anders. I couldn't help it so I'm going to give you this chance to leave because if you don't I'm going to kiss you."

The mage couldn't believe that this was really happening. He wondered if this was a dream, if a demon was tempting him in the Fade. But Theron's breath was warm against his skin and those wine eyes were so warm and inviting. The commander was beautiful especially with his Dalish tattoos.

His red hair seemed to be glowing. Anders decided to do what he did best. Dropping his cat he grabbed the commander by the armour and pulled him close. Throwing caution to the wind like he always did Anders pressed his mouth against Theron's.

The elf groaned but he soon gripped Anders' arms and pressed his back against the wall while the elf grinded against him. Anders hadn't been with a man in a long time and he had forgotten how good it could feel…but it felt as if his nerves were on fire as Theron pushed his tongue into the mage's sweet mouth.

Anders wondered if this was a good idea, this was his commander, his boss but when Theron reached down to grip the mage through his robes Anders kindly told his common sense to shut up as he kissed the commander fiercely.

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><p><em><strong>Kirkwall<strong>_

_**Viscount's Chambers**_

Theron honestly couldn't help it.

He had been prepared to talk to Garrett Hawke about helping him to track down the relic but then he had seen the mage he had been trying to forget for the past four years. Anders looked the same with his blond hair and warm honey eyes. Theron didn't remember moving that fast even during his travels to stop the archdemon but he was suddenly gripped with an anger and a need to make Anders hurt.

The moment his fist collided with that deceivingly handsome face Theron had felt that brief moment of satisfaction and then sick guilt set in. He shouldn't feel guilty about hurting Anders at all. The man had just left without so much as a goodbye letter. Theron had honestly thought that Anders was different...well, so much for that theory.

"What the hell are you doing?"

The moment Anders hit the floor Hawke gripped his staff and fire flared up across his arms as he took a defensive stance against the elf. Mahariel simply stood there looking immensely smug about what he had just done, his hands clenched and his jaw set firmly. He stared at Hawke as if challenging him to attack him right there. The mage was no fool. He could read people in battle and determine their strengths and weaknesses.

But there was something in those wine eyes that held the mage back from throwing his fireball at him. Hawke was aware of the Viscount yelling for his guards but Mahariel was now leaning against the wall again and said nothing. He refused to look at Anders now and Hawke quickly pulled out a health potion to use on his friend.

Hawke felt his heart break at the sight of Anders' broken nose and the blood that now caked his lips and chin. He poured the potion down the man's throat and waited for it to take effect. Soon he began to stir and honey eyes opened wearily.

Garrett was staring down at him with concern written across his features and for a moment Anders had forgotten what had happened. Panic took hold when he remembered walking into the chambers and seeing Theron again. The mage scrambled to his feet while Hawke helped him up.

"Commander!" the Viscount yelled angrily. "What was the meaning for that attack?"

"Just some ancient history Viscount. I assure you it won't happen again." The elf scowled at the blond mage.

"You just attacked my friend." Hawke glared with anger at the Warden. "I want an explanation."

"Then you better ask him." Theron pointed to the mage in question.

"Maker…" Anders gasped out through the pain. "Commander Mahariel, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, so we're back to this?" Theron scowled. "I'm not surprised actually."

"Anders, you know him?" Hawke turned to the blond man.

"I thought he did." Theron said harshly.

"Whatever problems you two have can you solve them after we discuss the theft?" Dumar broke in.

"Of course." Theron said and he turned his attention to Hawke. " A relic was stolen from the Ferelden Tower's vault. It turned up here and I want your help in finding it."

"A relic?" Hawke asked with caution. "What kind of relic?"

"From what First Enchanter Irving told me the relic is an ancient Tevinter idol that can increase a mage's power exceptionally." Theron explained.

"And whoever has the idol is a serious threat to Kirkwall." Dumar said. "You have done a lot for the city serrah Hawke. And this relic could be a threat if not found immediately."

"I'll do what it takes to protect Kirkwall." The mage answered.

"Good enough for me." Theron brushed past them. "But I don't want Anders anywhere near me."

"He's my best healer and a friend. We need him." Hawke argued.

"That is my only request. If you're going to help me find the relic then keep him away from me." Theron glared at the silent mage then he left the room.

"Hawke, please listen to the Commander. We need to find the relic." Dumar pleaded with him.

"Not until I know what all that was about." Hawke took Anders by the arm and led him out of the Viscount's Keep away from prying eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Anders tried to move past Hawke but the other mage was having none of it.

"What was that about Anders?" he grabbed Anders' arm tightly. "I want an answer."

"He was my commander when I was stationed in Amaranthine." The blond man said but Hawke still didn't look satisfied. "I told you that when I became Justice's host I left Ferelden."

"Yes, but you said that Mahariel understood when you left." Hawke frowned.

"I may have stretched the truth a little." Anders leaned heavily against the wall. "I didn't tell Theron when I left. I couldn't face him after what happened."

"But still that was extreme when he hit you." Hawke crossed his arms.

"He had every right to hit me." Anders wiped the blood from his nose. "I hurt him, I never wanted to hurt him. All he ever did was try to help me and the others under his command."

"Just tell me what happened Anders. Please talk to me." Hawke pleaded with the mage and he wasn't ashamed of it.

"After Theron killed the Mother he wanted to leave Ferelden. I came with him to Antiva and Justice came with us." Anders explained. "There was a Deep Roads entrance not far from the city and Theron wanted to seal it up so the darkspawn wouldn't attack any more people."

"I can understand that." Hawke said.

"But the body Justice inhabited was falling apart. After a fight with darkspawn Justice's body was all but destroyed. I couldn't let my friend go on like that, trapped in a corpse." Anders turned his watery gaze on Hawke. "Once Justice was part of me I felt the change happen. Theron didn't think it was a good idea."

"So you left?" Hawke asked.

"Yes, I left the Wardens and Theron." Anders stared into the distance as cold realization washed over Hawke. "I was so scared of the change inside me. I couldn't have lived with myself if Vengeance tried to hurt Theron. He's stronger than me in a fight but I know him. He wouldn't have fought back if I attacked. He would have tried to look for a peaceful way out. It was one of the reasons I grew attached to him like I did."

"You were together weren't you?" Hawke asked hoarsely.

"Yes...and that's one of the reasons why I haven't exactly encouraged you." Anders answered as he looked at his friend. "There's a part of me still in love with him."

Hawke was sure he heard his heart break.

So I'm not exactly sure when Anders became Justice's host in canon but for the benefit of this story it happened when he and Theron left Ferelden. And you'll be seeing a lot more of the bitchy angry Warden. Four years on and he still hasn't gotten over Anders. Stay tuned to see what happens

Also hugs and kisses to my reviewers and everyone who has faved my stories here. You guys make my day.


	3. What Goes Around

**Chapter Three**

**What Goes Around**

Hawke wasn't one but surprised when he entered the Hanged Man only to find Varric surrounded by a crowd as he told them the story of the Grey Warden who vanquished the archdemon. The dwarf had obviously heard about Mahariel's arrival and he took the opportunity to spin out new tales.

Aveline was there along with Isabela who was cheering Varric on while Merrill was absent for a change. Usually she was always with the pirate drinking or playing cards but Hawke wasn't surprised by her absence today. Mahariel had been her friend after all. The mage ordered a drink and quickly finished it in one gulp.

He ordered another and then another until his head starting feeling funny and his hand began to sway without his say so. He knew that getting piss drunk at this hour was a really bad idea but he was beyond caring right now. The man he desired since the day they met was still in love with the Warden he abandoned. Anders had left Hawke after his admission, probably returning to Darktown to hide out while Theron went about his business. The mage took another drink, never noticing the arrival of a white haired elf.

Fenris cursed when he entered the tavern. He hated large gatherings of people but he had heard about the Warden and what happened at the Viscount's Keep. Anders had apparently been attacked by the Warden making Fenris wish he had been there to see it happen.

Despite being in the city for three years Fenris liked his privacy and the further he was away from Anders the better. The elf was worried about Hawke although he would never admit it least of all to Hawke himself. The ex-slave wasn't blind to the looks Hawke gave Anders when the mage didn't see him. It made Fenris sick to his stomach that someone like Hawke would be mooning over an abomination.

Upon entering the tavern he spotted a crowd around a lively Varric while Hawke sat at the bar drinking cup after cup of whatever drink he was currently consuming. Fenris frowned at the behaviour of the usually sarcastic man but he approached him all the same.

"Hawke?" the elf sat next to him. "I heard about the incident at the Keep."

"Mahariel's got a mean right hook." Hawke slurred out. "My head feels funny."

"How much have you taken?" Fenris glanced at the numerous cups scattered before Hawke.

"Not nearly enough." He groaned. "It's official, my taste in men is bad."

"What happened with Anders?" Fenris felt anger coil in his belly.

"Oh nothing aside from the fact he's still in love with his ex who happens to be the man who broke his nose today." Hawke waved his hands about.

"Maker..." Fenris rubbed his head. "And here you are drowning your sorrows. I thought you were better than that Hawke."

"Leave him alone Fenris." Isabela threw an arm around her friend. "The poor man just had his heart broken. He deserves to get shit faced."

"He's a leader. The last thing he needs to do is stagger around drunk." Fenris retorted.

Green eyes took in the pitiful sight of Hawke trying to get drunk. Hawke wasn't weak, he was one of the strongest men Fenris had ever met. The thought that he could be brought down by a possessed mage like this caused him to clench his fists. Isabela was now trying to convince Hawke to have a sleep with someone, namely herself. Fenris scoffed at that. No matter how piss drunk he got Hawke wouldn't touch a woman sexually.

During the three years he had known the Ferelden mage Fenris had seen him go to the Blooming Rose only to vanish with a male worker for the entire night. Women had offered to be his partner numerous times but he actually turned green at the thought.

"Stupid Mahariel..." Hawke placed his chin his in free hand. "Why'd he have to come here? Stupid..."

"Theron's not all that bad." Isabela laughed at Hawke's large eyes as they stared at her. "I knew him back in Denerim. He is quite the duellist."

"I bet he is." Fenris muttered.

"Bah! Bet I'm better in a fight!" Hawke declared loudly.

"I'll take him home." Fenris placed one of Hawke's arms around his shoulders.

"No!" the mage tried to fight Fenris off but despite his small stature the elf was incredibly strong.

"Stop being a child." Fenris growled which instantly caused Hawke to listen. Once Fenris started talking like that someone was going to get their bones broken.

"But he's such a fun drunk." Isabela was laughing again.

Fenris rolled his eyes but he managed to pull Hawke out of the tavern and into Lowtown which was thankfully not full of people right now. The Ferelden refugees had heard about the Warden and most wanted to catch a glimpse of the elf who saved their homeland from the Blight. Fenris was curious about the Warden but now he needed to get his friend home and soon.

He thought about paying a visit to Anders to see what the mage was up to after the attack at the Keep. Fenris glanced at the now quiet human leaning against him. Hawke looked tired now, his eyes distant and hurt. Whatever else Fenris thought about Anders he couldn't deny that Hawke did care about him. It wasn't right seeing someone like Hawke to upset over one man.

"Am I pathetic Fenris?" the ash blond asked once they made it to the bridge connecting Lowtown to Hightown.

"What?" the elf raised a dark eyebrow.

"I find out about Anders and Mahariel then I try to get drunk. I must look really pathetic to you right now." Hawke murmured in a defeated voice.

"You are a lot of things Hawke but you are not pathetic or weak in my eyes. For a mage you're still a good man and a strong one. Don't let this pull you down." The ex-slave said that with such conviction Hawke actually looked stunned.

"That's what I always liked about you Fenris." The mage smiled after a while. "You always say the truth no matter how bad it is."

"We're almost to your estate." Fenris was grateful that he didn't blush but the butterflies in his stomach remained constant.

"I better wash up." Hawke said once they reached the door to his home. "I still need to meet Mahariel about the relic."

"A relic?" Fenris asked.

"Come inside and I'll fill you in." Hawke offered as he pushed the door open.

Once they stepped into the mansion Hawke's mabari hound came running towards his master. Cerberus barked and panted happily as he rubbed his head against Hawke's legs. The mage smiled at his dog as he rubbed behind his ears. Fenris liked the mabari. It was a faithful and wise animal, something the people in Kirkwall didn't understand. Mabari also had good taste in masters which was evident with Hawke. Leandra was at the writing desk reading over a letter she had gotten from Carver. She only ever smiled like that when she got a letter from her youngest son. He was still adjusting to life as a Grey Warden but Hawke had no doubt that his brother would be fine. Leandra smiled warmly when she saw her eldest child and Fenris enter the house.

"Welcome home darling." She greeted him. "How did the meeting go?"

"I take it you haven't heard?" Hawke sat next to his mother. "The Viscount has requested me to help the Warden-Commander find a relic."

"The Warden-Commander?" Leandra asked then her eyes lit up when she realised who he meant. "The one who killed the archdemon?"

"Yes and the Viscount wants to keep relations good." Hawke said.

"You look troubled dear. And...is that whiskey I smell?" Leandra stared at her son. "What happened Garrett?"

"The Warden and Anders have some history. Mahariel doesn't want to work with him." Hawke admitted as Fenris simply looked amused. "I'm not looking forward to this Mother."

"And that caused you to drink?" she pressed him. When her son looked away sheepishly Leandra saw the pieces slipping into place. "Oh Garrett..."

"He isn't completely drunk yet." Fenris decided to step in. "I doubt the Warden-Commander will want to meet him like that."

"Thank you Fenris. That was very kind of you." Leandra smiled at him.

"It was nothing." The elf grumbled.

"Really Fenris, thank you." Hawke stood up but he did sway a little on his feet. "Do you want to come with me to meet Mahariel? I don't want to risk taking Anders anywhere near him."

"What about Aveline or Varric? They would be more interested than I." Fenris retorted.

"Probably but..." Hawke lowered his eyes. "Please come with me Fenris."

"Alright..." the elf hated when Hawke pulled that look off. It was so hard to say no when he got like this. "Come to the mansion once you're ready to meet him."

"That is a conversation I would love to avoid." Hawke groaned but he went upstairs to his room to wash up.

He could only hope the Warden was in a good mood now.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Darktown<strong>_

_**Anders' Clinic**_

He had finally managed to stop the blood from his broken nose but the throbbing pain remained even with magic knitting the bone and tissue back together. Anders had retreated back to the safety of his clinic the first chance he could get after the conversation with Hawke. His heart had broken at the look on the other man's face ay his admission but he couldn't see the point in lying about his past involvement with Theron and he knew eventually Hawke would want an explanation.

Anders liked the other mage a lot but he had told him time and again that a relationship wouldn't be possible between them. It wasn't that he didn't find Hawke attractive. The man was stunning with his ash blond hair and eyes so blue they put the summer sky to shame.

Anders had never been good at relationship and the one he really wanted to get right he messed it up so badly. Even Justice had been disturbed at Theron's appearance in Kirkwall. The spirit had respected and even liked the Commander during their time together in Amaranthine.

Theron had looked so good even after four years apart. His red hair had grown out which he kept tied back with a black ribbon. He had some new scars on his arms but he was still the strong and formidable and he could still hit with a mean right hook.

"You've certainly looked better." Anders spun around to see Merrill standing at his clinic entrance.

"That's what you get for pissing off a Warden." Anders joked despite the pain shooting through his face.

"Mahariel always did have a bit of a temper." Merrill stepped into the clinic. "I'm almost afraid to face him now."

"You're part of his clan. He always loved to talk about his home." Anders replied.

"He did?" Merrill's eyes brightened at that. "I-I better see if he wants to talk."

"Merrill," Anders called to her. "Tell Theron..."

"What is it Anders?" the blood mage asked. She may come off as naive to her friends but Merrill wasn't blind. She could see what was wrong with Anders. "Can't you just talk to him?"

"No Merrill." Anders knelt down and started going through the crates he kept at the back of the clinic. "He doesn't want to see me and I don't blame him."

"Well whatever happened Theron will talk to you eventually." The blood mage sounded sure of that. "He may not want to admit it but Theron always had to settle things his own way. He won't leave this unsettled."

"I really hope he does." Anders whispered but Merrill didn't hear him.

"I'll see you later Anders." The Dalish girl left him alone. Anders was grateful for the silence as he rummaged through the supplies he had left.

Merrill was right about Theron settling things his own way. Anders had seen his methods during his time as Warden-Commander and the elf would come looking for him in time. He only hoped that Hawke would distract him long enough for Anders to gather up the courage to face Theron.

He would sooner face off against the Blight and an archdemon than handle a pissed off Theron Mahariel. He could always say what he wanted about Alistair but the man must have possessed the patience of a saint to handle Theron's temper. Why couldn't it have been Nathaniel or Valenna sent to retrieve the relic? Of all the Wardens in Thedas why did it have to be Theron?

"Why do things keep getting worse?" the mage out his aching head in his hands.

He hoped that by the time Hawke caught up to him Theron would be in a talkative mood.


	4. Through My Heart

**Chapter Four**

**Through My Heart**

Theron didn't exactly know where he ended up when he stormed off from the Keep but it did give him some time to cool off. He felt like a complete idiot now but Anders deserved it and so much more after what he did. Garrett Hawke wasn't one bit impressed with his temper but right now the Warden could care less what Hawke thought about him. He hadn't missed the way he looked at Anders and Theron hated how he felt jealous.

The affair had happened four years ago and they were only together for a few months. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did but he truly cared about Anders and this was his reward for daring to hope. The elf had to look somewhat presentable the next time he met Hawke. He had a job to do here and getting angry over his ex-lover wasn't going to help matters at all.

He had stopped walking when he reached the lower parts of the city to gain his bearings. This section of Kirkwall was a total slum. It was worse than Lowtown and the smell of open sewers was thick around here. Theron wrinkled his nose at the smell but he did see some vendors and there was elfroot growing in dark corners nearby. He made a mental note to gather some of the plant before going back to the Keep.

Theron climbed some wooden steps when something caught his eyes. At the other end of this lower town people were heading into a small building. Women were cradling their babies while others had wounds and looked very sick. Theron knew that the people down here hardly had any money but he wondered why they were gathering outside that building.

Curious he approached and peered inside through the other door and he felt his heart seize up when he saw what was inside. Anders was using his healing magic on the people inside. He looked worn out but he kept using his magic to help heal their wounds and sicknesses. Theron bit his lip to stop the flood of emotion from bursting forth like it really wanted to.

Anders had always possessed a gentle heart and this only proved that but that didn't smother the anger Theron had carried around with him for four years. Theron was rooted to the spot and watched as Anders helped the people who came to him. He didn't ask for money in return and finally he could take a rest once the crowd lessened up.

Theron knew that he had to stay far away from the mage but he still had so much to say and he was afraid of the anger he was feeling right now. He tried to get his legs to move but they refused to listen. He hated feeling weak especially when it was his own heart doing this to him. If Hawke remained true to his word then Anders wouldn't be coming along for the mission. Right now seemed a good a time as any to lance the wound once and for all. Theron waited until Anders was the only one left in the clinic and he found what little shred of courage he had left to face him.

"So you're still a healer?" Theron asked.

"Ahh!" Anders spun around and stared at the Warden. "I...I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't know you healed people down here." Theron leaned against the door frame. "You're still the same even if it is a little."

"I suppose..." Anders was weary.

"Why did you leave?" Theron didn't bother to mask the anger anymore. He was sick and tired of bottling it up. "Just tell me why Anders."

"It's over Theron. Why bother to bring it up now?" Anders never wanted to have this conversation.

"I deserve an answer." The commander barked causing the mage to jump. "You just left Anders. You never even left me a letter explaining what I did."

"It was my problem." Anders cut in. "I couldn't tell you. I was never a good enough person for you Theron."

"But Hawke is?" the commander threw his hands up.

"There's nothing going on." Anders could feel his own anger building. "We're not together anymore Theron. You don't need to act like a jealous lover."

"You're a bastard Anders." The elf felt sick when hot tears fell from his eyes. He was truly pathetic crying like this. "You left, Justice left and you never once told me what happened to make you leave. But that's what you're good at isn't it? Running away."

"You have no right to come in here and talk to me like that." Anders yelled back.

"Of course not!" Theron laughed but the sound was hollow. "I have no rights at all concerning you. I wasn't even worth having a conversation to end our relationship."

"It was so hard for me to leave you." Anders didn't want to look at him anymore. It just hurt too much. "Don't think for one second it was easy for me."

"So tell me now." Theron challenged him. "Tell me why you left. If nothing else you owe me that much."

And there was the crux of the entire problem. Theron had no idea that Anders was now the host to Justice. The commander hadn't been there when the two fused together and the moment it happened Anders had already begun to change. He was filled with a need to battle against the injustice mages faced every single day but staying around Theron held him back.

Theron believed in justice but he wasn't blindly devoted to one side. He even turned against the Dalish clan during the werewolf attacks back in Ferelden during the Blight. He punished blood mages if they went too far and he made sure templars paid for what they did to innocents.

But Anders could see the truth already and so could Justice. Theron would never pick a side when both were in the wrong. He would always seek a peaceful solution, a way to end the conflict before it began.

That was something Anders couldn't allow, not now with Justice being part of him.

"I couldn't handle it." Anders whispered but Theron heard him all the same.

"Being with you was too intense." The mage took hold of his staff. "We were only together a little while but I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment."

"Liar." Theron scoffed and Anders could feel his blood freeze. "Fine, don't tell me. I just wanted to know if you were man enough to admit the truth."

"I'm so sorry." Anders wiped his wet eyes as Theron watched him quietly.

"That I believe." The Warden murmured. "Once the relic is found I'll head back to Amaranthine."

"Theron..." Anders wanted to say something, anything to take away the look of utter hurt in those wine eyes.

"Don't say anything Anders. Just don't." The elf turned away from him.

The commander left the clinic before his rage was unleashed fully. He didn't know why he expected Anders to tell the truth but he always hoped that if he understood then he could heal properly. But Anders lied to him, he lied through his teeth and never once apologized for it. Hawke seemed like a good man from what Theron had heard about him.

He listened to people talk about the Ferelden mage who went out of his way to help people in need. It was hard to resent someone like that but that sliver of resentment crept into his heart all the same.

The Warden made it back to Hightown and he was grateful for the warm sunlight on his skin. He wandered into the bustling crowd determined to vanish until he was ready to find Hawke again. Theron hated how Anders could make him feel guilty when the mage was the one in the wrong.

All Theron wanted was an explanation and Anders wouldn't even grant him that. No, he was here on a mission and he was sick of pining away for a mage who obviously never wanted him to begin with. Sealing his heart away from the hurt that was always constant when Anders was involved the Warden-Commander held his head high as he made his way to the Viscount's Keep.

The sooner he found the relic the better.

* * *

><p><em><strong>The Hawke Estate<strong>_

Hawke had changed into his favourite blue robes before heading back to the Keep. His head was throbbing a little thanks to the alcohol he had consumed but he was truly grateful for Fenris being there. The elf prevented him from making a total ass because of Anders. Hawke couldn't be truly angry at the mage, not when Anders hadn't exactly encouraged his earlier flirting. Hawke's problem was that he just couldn't take the hint and he really liked Anders from the moment they met.

But he was a refugee who had gotten lucky and found a fortune in the Deep Roads while Theron Mahariel was the elf who saved all of Ferelden from the archdemon and its Horde. What chance did Hawke honestly have against someone like that?

The mage fixed his staff then left his bedroom to meet with Fenris who was waiting next to the fireplace while Leandra talked to him. Fenris didn't say much to the older woman but he was courteous to her and listened when she spoke. Hawke noticed that his mother was holding a book and a thought came to him. A few days ago he had found a book about Shartan but his dealings with the Viscount and the templars caused him to leave the book in his room and forget about it.

He wondered if maybe Fenris would like the book as a gift. He was smart and possessed a manner of speech that left Hawke weak in the knees. While he cared deeply about Anders that didn't stop him from appreciating the beauty Fenris possessed.

"How are you feeling?" the elf greeted him.

"Much better thanks to you." Hawke smiled brightly. Fenris coughed and turned his head away.

"Be careful." Leandra implored her son. "I don't want o have Fenris drag you back home again."

"You don't have to worry about that mother." Hawke promised her. "Shall we go Fenris?"

"Indeed." the white haired elf nodded.

"Thanks again for last night Fenris. I wasn't exactly at my best." Hawke blushed a little.

"Even you are entitled to a bad day." Fenris answered.

"I totally agree with you." the mage said while Fenris raised a dark eyebrow at him. "Well people always come to me with their problems so I think I'm entitled to having some fun once in a while."

"Even if you end up drunk?" the ex-slave groused.

"That's only half the fun." Hawke shrugged. "Why not try it sometime?"

"Hawke," the elf warned causing the human to throw his hands up in defeat.

"Alright, I'll drop it." he laughed.

"Anders is a fool." Fenris muttered when they walked through the marketplace.

"What?" Hawke frowned.

"I may not like all mages but you...you are a rare man Hawke." Fenris glanced through the great swords on display. "He is a fool for not seeing that."

"I..." Hawke swallowed thickly but a warmth spread through his body. "Thanks Fenris. it means a lot when you say that but my luck in men has always been terrible."

"I doubt that." the elf retorted but Hawke shook his head.

"It's true. When I was sixteen the first boy I liked ran away screaming when I healed a cut on his leg. My first serious relationship ended when the templars came to the village and I used my magic to defend my family. We were chased out of the village the second it happened. Now the one man I really thought I had a good chance with is still in love with his ex who saved the world already. I should just live as a Chantry brother." Hawke realized he was ranting rather loudly and immediately clamped his mouth shut.

"It sounded like you needed to get all that out." Fenris looked amused.

"And now that I've humiliated myself for today shall we move on?" Hawke was sure his face was bright red by now.

"Is there no one else that has your attention?" Fenris asked steadily.

"I'm surrounded by attractive men Fenris. My eye does tend to wander." Hawke grinned at him. "But Sebastian is as straight as his arrows and you...well, I doubt you'd want a mage coming on to you."

Fenris said nothing and instead opted to follow after Hawke. Yes he hated being touched by mages but he didn't lie when he said Hawke was a rare man. The mage was so kind and gentle no matter the abuse Fenris would hurl at him. The elf hated how he felt about the mage but nobody had ever treated him with such kindness before.

Garrett always made sure he wouldn't use his powers when he came to visit Fenris. The former slave thought that it would be easier if Hawke was a power hungry mage, it would be simpler if he was cruel and harsh. It was his kindness that troubled Fenris. The elf couldn't stand that Hawke only had eyes for Anders. The abomination squandered the loyalty and affection of a good man.

Fenris remained silent by Hawke's side as they entered the Viscount's Keep.

Everything would be so much easier if he could hate Garrett Hawke.


End file.
